The changes a year can make
The entirety of this past year has encompassed extreme spiritual growth. After God gave me a taste of His unconditional and powerful love, I began to fall in love with Him. He rescued me from being suicidal and gave me new hope. If you’ve been following my channels for a while, you’ll know that I’ve struggled with mental illness for years. I was informally diagnosed with bipolar disorder when I was eight and became suicidal during high school. I lived for years with no desire to live, breathe, or be happy. This time was filled with the darkest of thoughts and the most broken of emotions.
However, I found Jesus. Rather, Jesus came to me in the midst of the worst mental and physical health struggles of my entire life. Months later, He gave me a promise that was sealed by His love. “Heaven hears you, good things are coming, cherish them, thank Me.”
Instead of describing all of the little details of the spiritual growth I’ve been through, I would like to compare where I started to where I’m at right now. This growth is invisible to the eye and unnoticed by those closest to me, yet I am hyperaware of the massive changes that have occurred in my core. The only validation of this growth is the constant remarks about my face - when God chooses to, He allows my light to be seen. I’ve had coworkers tell me my “face has changed” and friends will remark that “my face seems different, but good.” My cousin told me my skin looked amazing - I had quite a few pimples that day so I assumed she was seeing my light! I know for a fact that God shines through His children from time to time because I’ve seen it in others’ faces at times as well.
The light comes from radical transformation through God and His Word. This transformation had given me deep wisdom about the kingdom of heaven and enlightened me with an understanding of my purpose in life. And, while much was transformed, many characteristics of my spirit were “cut out” too. After graduating from college in 2019, I was focused on finding a job and moving out of my parents’ house. Of course, turbulence with my family members’ health changed the trajectory of this mission. The Covid 19 pandemic didn’t help me either! My motives remained the same throughout that time, though, and I wanted to be responsible for my own life. I wanted to provide for myself. I thought this was maturity - I wanted to be financially able to support myself and maintain my driven attitude.
Of course, the chosen ones of God do not have this option. We were designed to serve God and His kingdom (if life seems to be exceptionally hard for you - return to Jesus and He will seat you on the right path! If God really wants you in a certain role, you will find resistance from the world in all you do). God patiently worked with me to demolish impure motives and minor instances of greed. He wants workers that have the same goals as He does: to glorify Him and grow the kingdom of heaven. If my goal, even when serving God, was to provide for myself, I was still needing to be refined. So, God refined me.
My only goals now are to love Him and serve Him. My heart has purified to such an extent that I don’t even recognize who I was a year ago. I have a deep peace that I carry with me (even on my most emotionally chaotic days). My faith in God’s promises is certain. Even though I am still waiting on the Lord to work these promises into action, I am certain that each one will be fulfilled.